Routines for Inconsistent Brains (Why you need them even if you don't like them)
TL;DR
If the word routine makes you want to rebel, you’re not broken, your brain just needs a different approach.
Routines don’t have to be rigid or boring. Think of them as anchors or defaults that support your life instead of controlling it.
For ADHD brains, routines work best when they’re intentional, tiny, flexible, and rewarded.
Start with one small action (like writing 5 sentences or stepping outside for 5 minutes). Consistency matters more than intensity.
Avoid routines built on “shoulds,” all-or-nothing thinking, or excessive executive function. Those set you up to fail.
The goal of a routine isn’t discipline, it’s support, freedom, and sustainability.
If the word routine makes you tense up, want to rebel, or immediately think of all the times you’ve failed to stick to one, you’re not broken. And you’re definitely not alone.
For many of us (especially those with ADHD), routines feel restrictive, boring, or like they’re designed for someone else’s brain. They sound like early mornings, rigid schedules, and doing the same thing over and over until all the joy drains out of life.
But that’s not what I mean by routine.
In this article, I want to redefine routines in a way that actually works for real humans, busy, creative, neurodivergent humans with a million ideas and limited executive function. Not routines that control you, but routines that support you. The kind that reduce overwhelm, create momentum, and quietly make life easier without demanding perfection.
If you’ve ever thought, “I know routines would help me, but I can’t seem to make them work,” this is for you.
What I Mean When I Say “Routine”
The word routine can mean very different things depending on your life experience. So let’s make sure we’re on the same page.
For me, a routine is something you intentionally create in your life to establish predictability or progress toward a goal. It’s not about rigidity, it’s about support.
Other words you might prefer:
System
Process
Method
Anchor
You might be wondering why I don’t just call this a habit.
Here’s the distinction I make:
A habit is often created unintentionally. It’s something you do on autopilot, sometimes to distract yourself, fill the dopamine bucket, or avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Habits aren’t bad by nature. Some are helpful, some aren’t. But when I talk about routines here, I’m talking about something chosen on purpose.
James Clear might argue with me on this one, and that’s okay. (He’s the author of Atomic Habits, which is a fantastic book.) I think he’d understand why this distinction matters, especially for ADHD brains.
Why Routines Matter (Even If You Hate Them)
For most people reading this, life is already full. Ideas, responsibilities, goals, obligations, it’s a lot.
Routines can feel like they get in the way of inspiration, motivation, and that exciting burst of energy that comes with learning, dreaming, and chasing something new. And that motivation is a beautiful thing. It shouldn’t be ignored.
But motivation is unreliable.
Routines are what carry you forward on the days when motivation doesn’t show up.
For those of us with ADHD, routines can feel especially limiting. Our brains crave novelty and excitement. Doing the same thing over and over feels unnatural, and sometimes downright painful.
Here is the paradox - Routines actually give you more freedom.
“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”
— James Clear
Think about brushing your teeth or showering. If you stopped doing those things regularly, life would start to get uncomfortable pretty quickly. You’d end up with painful dentist visits - or fewer social invitations. (I’m actively teaching this lesson to my 13-year-old right now.)
Routines handle the basics so your brain doesn’t have to.
They help with:
Reducing decision fatigue
Creating predictability in a chaotic world (food, income, support)
Freeing up mental bandwidth for harder things
Building trust with yourself (huge for those with RSD)
Supporting emotional and mental regulation
Making progress sustainable instead of heroic
Creating identity-level change over time
Consistency doesn’t just help your goals, it stabilizes your life.
Why Routines Are So Hard With ADHD
Mention the word routine to a neurodivergent person and you can practically feel the tension rise.
That’s because routines require exactly the things many of us struggle with: sustained focus, planning, consistency, and executive function.
It’s the age-old conundrum:
You know you need routines, but you can’t seem to make routines.
When you already have 500 thoughts bouncing around in your head, trying to follow a step-by-step process can feel soul-killing. Quieting your brain enough to “just follow the plan” makes your skin crawl.
And on the days when something must get done, you also have to hope you’ll have the energy and focus to do it, which is nearly impossible to guarantee.
Unless it’s the last minute.
Then suddenly, you can focus like a magnifying glass.
So yes, routines are hard for us.
But they’re not impossible.
And they don’t have to be rigid to work.
How to Create Routines When Your Brain Says “Nope”
First: Reframe the Word
If routine feels heavy or controlling, don’t use it. The word doesn’t matter—the function does.
Try calling it:
A default
An anchor
A starting point
A daily reset
An opening move
A closing loop
Something that signals: This helps me get closer to the life I want.
Start Tiny. No, Smaller Than That.
Choose one thing you want to build consistency around.
Let’s say you want to write regularly on Substack. You enjoy it, your audience is there, but consistency feels impossible.
Your goal is not “publish regularly.”
Your goal is:
Write five sentences a day.
Not to post.
Not to perfect.
Just to write.
That’s it. You win.
Work on one routine at a time. Give it one to two weeks before adding anything else. Novelty can derail consistency, so focus all your executive function on one thing.
Add Rewards (This Is Not Optional)
Did you write the five sentences?
Great, reward yourself.
A piece of chocolate.
A stretch break.
A few minutes of something fun.
Rewards create dopamine. Dopamine makes your brain want to do the thing again.
Make It Flexible or It Will Break
Your routine should be doable even on low-energy days.
If your routine is “walk a mile” but today feels overwhelming, adjust it. Stand outside for five minutes. You still showed up. You still did the thing—just in a smaller way.
The goal isn’t rigidity.
It’s support.
Routines That Are Worth Letting Go Of
Some routines, or habits, need to be unwound.
Pay attention to anything that starts with “I should.”
I should bring snacks to every soccer game
I should fold laundry immediately
I should wake up at 5 a.m. because successful people do
These might be nice things, but they don’t need to become routines. If something doesn’t genuinely support you or feed your dopamine bucket, it doesn’t deserve recurring space in your life.
Also beware of all-or-nothing routines.
If missing one day ruins everything, that routine is setting you up to fail. You’re not a failure, you’re human.
And finally, anything that requires a huge amount of internal motivation or focus isn’t a routine, it’s a project. Routines exist to save executive function, not drain it
.
Where to Start
You could build a routine around almost anything. I’m sure you’ve already had several ideas while reading this.
But if I had to recommend one place to start, it would be the beginning of your day.
My morning routine looks like this:
Get up
Restroom
Wash face
Brush teeth
Full cup of water (with vitamins/medication)
Coffee
Simple. Grounding. And it ensures I’ve done something for myself before the chaos begins.
Another great starting routine is a short daily planning session:
Look at today
Pick 1–3 priorities
Decide what “done enough” looks like
Bottom Line
Routines aren’t about becoming more disciplined.
They’re about making life gentler.
They’re small, intentional supports that help you move closer to your goals, regulate your nervous system, and build trust with yourself.
When routines are built for your brain, they don’t take freedom away, they give it back.
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear it.
What’s one tiny routine (or anchor) that actually supports your life right now or one you want to try this week?
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